My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I will be naked everywhere
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
