How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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