I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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