i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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