I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
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