Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
