Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Semen is not good for contacts.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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