Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
