He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Watching her eat just hurts me
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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