I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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