we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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