his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
As shirtless as possible
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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