Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
someone get that fucking seahorse.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm getting married
To pizza
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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