You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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