We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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