ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
