He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
