jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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