sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
