butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
