if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
