I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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