Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
