y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
