I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
