he wants to bone in the snuggie
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
