There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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