Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
