last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
