A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
