dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
