Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Im part way to drunk.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
