Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Fuck appropriateness.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
