I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
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