Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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