I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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