omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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