i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
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