Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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