My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
