My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
