but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Randomize
