Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
