I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
