He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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