If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
