the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
the liver wants what the liver wants
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
