This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
