btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
