Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
