I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
