new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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