How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
