i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
